WTF is going on here?
I finally made it to the scale for a weigh-in, and I’m up again. 164 lbs. My water is more or less the same, but my fat % and fat mass are up. My fat free mass is up too, but it’s only 0.2 lbs. I really don’t know what to make of this. I don’t think it’s muscle gain. I haven’t been to the gym enough, and the workouts that I have made it in for have been with deloaded exercises, for the most part.
Is my eating that shitty? Too much fast food? Portion sizes too large? I thought I did pretty well this week at lunch, a chicken breast and salad 4 out of 5 days, but I don’t know. I think my portions at dinner are still out of whack. And I’m still snacking at home.
This has left me feeling so angry at myself and brought my mood down. It feels like I’m backsliding after so much progress. Any more weight gain and I can no longer say I’m down 40 lbs. I shouldn’t beat myself up over it, but I can’t go back to where I was. I can’t let that happen.
I have to do better.
Workout-wise, at least I made it to the gym three times this week. Remember how I was all gung-ho about making it in yesterday for a cardio day? Well, that didn’t happen. Up half the night with a sick toddler, and then I let myself use that as an excuse not to exercise. Also as an excuse to not eat my chicken and salad for lunch, but to get a fatty porchetta sandwich instead to make myself feel better. Sigh…
But enough self-deprecation. I did make it in today, and it was a pretty good workout. Squats were totally pain free, even as the weight gets reloaded. I really think it was my foot position that was causing the problems, because I haven’t felt it in a few days. We’ll see how it goes at higher weights, though. I still have thirty pounds to add before I get back to where I was. I’ll be back to the latest pre-deloaded weight by Wednesday, though, so that’s a start.
I was really hoping to nail overhead press today. For the most part it was good, but I just couldn’t grind out that last rep, try as I might. Next time…
Deadlifts went well, though. Hard, but doable. I really feel how difficult it is to grip the bar at this weight. Next time I do them I’l be back at the maximum I was able to do before, way back on Sept. 13th. Hopefully I can do that again, and nail the 225 lbs I wasn’t able to even budge the time after that. Fingers crossed.
Planning on hopping on the exercise bike at home this weekend, get the old heart rate up. I doubt I’ll do blog posts for that, but I’ll let you know if it happens next week. See you Monday.